Short Stories and Poems from Berlin

The school teacher inside me is obviously desperate to get out as you will see from this compilation of short stories and poems about Berlin. Please enjoy, or cringe, either way.

Kebab
There I sat on the side if the footpath; cold, busting and snot dripping, but I was cradling a Mustafa’s kebab like my life depended on it, and that meant that everything was going to be ok. I may need to stop and back up here because this highly over dramatic recount needs an introduction…

I feel it necessary to share my Berlin kebab experience with you because it is the most delicious thing my mouth has tasted on my journey thus far and it’s a story that needs to be told. On arriving to Berlin we were told that it is true birthplace of the kebab. Yes, still of a Turkish origin, but it was the product of the Turk’s working in Berlin after the war. Or that’s what I was told and hey, I’m happy to have a reason to eat a kebab.

It was at the end of an Alternative Berlin Walking Tour when the hunger struck. I had done my research beforehand and knew that I would be stopping by the highly raved about ‘Mustafa’s Gemüse Kebap’ for lunch. I was pretty excited about it too. The tour took us through the graffiti and alternate subculture that Berlin had to offer. It was a great tour, but instead of three hours of great it squeezed out a whole 3 hours and 45minutes of great. This didn’t suit my schedule at all. You see there was meant to be a 2 hour window when I could get my kebab on my way to the next walking Tour (perhaps too ambitious I know).

Finally the tour ended and by this time I was starving, busting for a wee and cold (but what’s new?). Also, I had just discovered that this tour didn’t in fact include the East side Gallery; the longest remaining part of the Berlin wall, which to be honest was pretty much the reason I had done the tour.

Now I had to weigh up my options. Do I visit the Berlin Wall which was just down the road? Or do I start walking to get food? Or do I skip food and wall to make it in time for the next more traditional walking Tour? Or do I just find myself a toilet? Ahh! Well I was already hungry and busting and in the area, I reasoned, so I went to see the iconic Berlin Wall at East side Gallery.

‘Just a short walk’ the guide had said. Yer, that may be the case if your bladder wasn’t at capacity. It was awesome none the less, so no regrets. But I will say that it was a very fast paced gallery walk.

Food, that had to be next. It just so happened that this walk was the opposite direction to food. But it was on route to a train station. Thank the Lord for Google Maps because I was able to locate the Kebab shop, or in that moment; The Promised Land and a nearby station.

So off on the train I went, as always hoping I was heading in the right direction. Which I had; I made it to the right station. From there I still had a shortish walk ahead of me. Still cold, still busting but I could see the small kebab shop… and a large line. Any hope of miraculously making my walking tour at 4:00pm was gone at that moment. Had I made the right choice? Here I was in a foreign country and I had chosen food over history and culture, and a kebab at that.

Well I was about to find out; after waiting in that long line of course. It was too late to back out so I took my place at the back and sympathised with the hungry people around me. Meanwhile, I was trying to convince myself that I could do a walking tour of my own; I would read stuff. I would learn stuff. I just needed to eat this kebab first.

Time went on, still cold, still busting, still hungry and still waiting. Every now and then I’d get a glimpse of a victorious person flaunt by clutching their prize, their kebab. It. Looked. Good! But when would it be my turn?

I moved closer. Then all of a sudden, I get a whiff of something horrid. What can only be assumed to be a sewage truck had parked next to the Kebab Shop. Terrible timing and even worse placement. But I couldn’t let that deter me. I needed to keep my eyes on the prize and put the putrid smell out of my mind. Breathe through your mouth I thought.

At last, I could see the menu. Only three items. That meant it had to be good, these guys meant business! I had made my selection and had my coins ready to make the process as seamless as possible. The angelic Mustafa’s man looked knowlingly as I pointed and said ‘with meat’. It was like he understood my pain and knew he was about to hand me the antidote. He didn’t loose time and got to creating my masterpiece straight away. A smear of this, a lashing of that, a pinch and then a squeeze of lemon juice and it was finished.

Carefully I reached for my kebab with both hands making sure not to drop any morsel of goodness. You have to realise that I was probably weak from hunger and mildly delirious at this point. The wind had picked up and I suddenly realised how chilly it was, but this wouldn’t stop me. Eating this kebab was my destiny. So I found a place off to the side of the footpath just behind a building sitting on a brick fence.

I could tell that the pigeons were envying me as I raised my kebab to take my first glorious bite… and splat down it went all over the footpath. No, not really. That would have been the unhappy ending. However, this story is a triumphant one. Instead, I took a bite and it was all worth it; the walk the wait the bladder control. IT WAS DELICIOUS!

And so, there I was; cold, busting, snot dripping, yet very satisfied. As I proceed to demolish my kebab slowly enough to savour every bite, I thought to myself ‘Is this the best thing I’ve ever eaten?’ It was a significant moment because the pressure to insure I took it all in dawned on me. When I had reluctantly finished, I reflected.

Was it the best because it had been such a mission? The cold, the discomfort, the wait? Had these elements enhanced my experience? Or maybe it was it the fact that it had only cost me €3.50. Or maybe it was the hunger speaking. Now I’m not saying that you should only eat things when you are 10% hungry and really really need to wee. But it definitely did make for a very memorable experience indeed.

THE END

The Man with the Garden
A Limerick
There once was a clever man from the west.

His garden made officials think him a pest.

Then the East were annoyed.

That he used their void.

So the West changed their mind for the best.

Based on the true story from the man living on the west of the wall.

Graffiti

Graffiti

Abstract, bold

Spraying, writing, speaking

Criminal, secret, express, wall

Drawing, pasting, designing

Humorous, glitter

Street-Art

Did you know that graffiti and street art are two completely separate things?

War

War, war, bloody war.

-Rik Mayall-

Remember

They had their reasons

Confused men doing evil

A morbid legacy

Wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wallHungry Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again

Why do we have such horrific nursery rhymes? Is it to prepare children for sad realities. It’s hard to believe the terrible truth behind the Berlin wall, harder still to think that it happened in my life time.

Jelly doughnut

In 1963 John F. Kennedy made a speech that the German people would never forget. He proclaimed “Ich bin ein Berliner”.

By this statement he meant to identify with the people of Berlin. But what he actually did was say “I am a Jelly Doughnut”. You know what, that’s OK with me because I tried one and they’re delicious.