When I was in high school I remember joking that if I wasn’t married by the time I was thirty then I’m moving to Africa. It was so hilarious to me at the time because I thought it was a sure thing that I would be married… no doubt in my mind. Now at the ripe age of 27 that joke seems to get less funny and more ironic as I am single and have been my whole life. Did I jinx myself? Should I start looking into buying my one way ticket? Did I banish myself to Africa? So many questions!

At 15 years old I had my whole life mapped out. I didn’t date in high school to avoid all the drama. So naturally I assumed as soon as I graduated I would get a boyfriend (as if I was owed one for all my hard work). I don’t know what I was expecting… perhaps a delivery straight to my door; “Here’s that boyfriend you ordered. Sign here please”.  Then I would date while I studied a teaching degree, get married at the end of that at the tender age of 22 and finally pop out some kids… all before my 10 year reunion.  My friends and I were so confident that we would be married in time for that all important reunion, there was no question. The thought that we may not be was laughable, downright embarrassing.

Well that boyfriend must have gotten lost in transit or delivered to the wrong address because my Uni degree went by and… nothing. Becoming aware of this I mentally pushed back the ‘married age’ from 22 to 24, just to give myself a bit more time. But 24 was definitely the age… surely? Then one week out from my 25^th birthday I remember thinking ‘gee, I’ve only got one week to find someone and get married’. That seemed a little difficult to pull off, but I was hopeful. Finally the day came and I was 25 and I had missed my opportunity, I was done and I was in denial. Could I just pretend that I never aged past 24? A Peter Pan of the female kind who never grew up.

I felt like a failure. It also felt like rejection. If the thing you are meant to accomplish in life is to find someone, get married and have kids, then I was falling short. It was a goal I set for myself and a goal that my friends all set too. It really hit home for me when one of my housemate’s friends made an interesting comment whilst visiting. At the time it was she and I, two single 24 year olds living together. Her friend highlighted that if we were in China, in our same living situation, we would be called ‘leftovers’. Well, wasn’t that a nice little uplifting piece of information… cheers for that. The leftovers; the old and questionable food left in the fridge because nobody wanted it. That was the perfect way to describe how I felt. Great! Now that was established plain and… BLUNTLY, I considered whether it was time to start buying some cats (and forcing myself to like them) because I was destined to be this miserable single crazy cat lady.

Ok, so I may have overreacted just slightly… nothing could ever make me desperate enough to become a cat person. Still it was a pretty dark and depressing head space to be in. However, it was completely untrue and slowly I started to realise that. Then I finally packed up my pity party and listened to God for some wise and truthful advice. I was feeling like not being married, or not even ever been in a relationship for that matter, meant that I was a failure, rejected and like there was something wrong with me. I had the ‘leftovers’ mentality. Luckily God was merciful to me and revealed that I was valued, accepted, desired and destined for something greater. You see I had only failed if the goal was marriage but He has plans greater than that. He taught me that it was not an issue of rejection, but of timing. So to the guy that made the leftovers comment I’d like to respectfully say- STUFF YOU! I actually happen to love leftovers. They are awesome! Remember when you were in primary school and you had leftover pizza for lunch? That was the best day ever!!!

Then I finally packed up my pity party and listened to God for some wise and truthful advice.

When the truth was exposed and I adjusted my thinking, I was able to reflect on the ways that God had used me in my short 27 years. I have been involved in ministry, teaching and travelling. I’ve been so blessed to do some incredible things as a single person. In fact I’ve been released to do more due to the fact that I haven’t had any commitments. God has taken me on an incredible journey and he has transformed me. I am not the same person I was in high school and I am glad for that fact. I’ve come to realise that my end game is not what the world tells me I should desire; weddings, babies and houses, it is whatever is in God’s plan and purpose. If it’s not of God, then I don’t want it. My only wish is that someone would have told me that from the beginning. If only I could go back to my high school self and tell her how it could be. That there are many paths that God may take you down and that is ok, it’s wonderful even. I’d tell her that you can see the world. You can eat gelato in Italy and stand on a beached iceberg in Iceland. You can give your time to help people and see life transformations. You can plan events and build community. You can learn new things every day. Life is an adventure.

If it’s not of God, then I don’t want it.

Now the closer I get to 30 I think- bring on Africa! (I have already been twice and I happened to love it by the way). If that is what God has planned for my life, then I’m ready to roll with it. He could tell me to go there and that would be more than ok. It wouldn’t be a punishment it would be a blessing. I may still have my moments when I have a relapse… and I do celebrate turning 24 over and over again each year (by some mystery). I’m always on a journey of discovery, but that’s what makes life exciting. So maybe I’ll end up in Africa, maybe I’ll get married next year, the point is that God is good and has a plan for me. I am not a seedy leftover that has been rejected, I am His first choice. I’m the fresh pizza from the wood-fired oven. Oh, and you are too.

Homework: Give Colossians 3:1-17 a read!